i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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