just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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