i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
