Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
