If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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