he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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