are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
