a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
