Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
