i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
