and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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