I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
