Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
