would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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