At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
