my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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