For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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