My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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