Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
