Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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