whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
