oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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