she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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