Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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