It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Text me some of your sweat
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
