I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
PANTIES FOUND
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