i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
