Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
