ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
