Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
