It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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