Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
