my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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