No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
