The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
