I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
