I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize