the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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