My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
