we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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