Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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