My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
