Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
