I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
