I must be too annoying 4 u.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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