and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
