why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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