Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
