The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
