Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
