You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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