I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
