dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
