I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
