I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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