Sponge bath it is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
