Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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