Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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