I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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