this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
