I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
