He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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