why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
