I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
