yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
