wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
